The Little Dove

Reflections on Tokyo

2010-03-31T17:18:00.000-04:00

Tokyo is a city of contradictions – filled with whispers from the past that blend into modern society. A traditional Japanese wedding held at our westernized hotel sprinkled brightly colored kimono-clad women around our pale hotel lobby. The women looked particularly out of place next to their husbands and sons in stark black and white penguin suits. There is an alleyway of tiny Japanese bars, whose owners are wary of foreigners or Gaijins, around the corner from the largest intersection in the world in Shibuya. A dark ramen shop sits only a block away from a blazing McDonalds. From the moment I arrived in Tokyo it felt like another world. I had anticipated the shock of no one resembling me or speaking my native tongue - as I was the visitor. What I hadn’t expected was how much the spirit of the Edo period and old Japan lingers in the most forward city I’d ever encountered. The two facets seem to be in either in a constant face off or in quiet agreement.

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(This photograph is one of the small bars in Shibuya. From the left - the owner, myself, Nathan, Sammi and Sam)

Asakusa epitomizes the fusion that underlays the culture. My class entered the main bustling street in Asakusa, called Nakamise, through the Kaminarimon gate. The Kaminarimon gate is a massive ornate red lantern, which guards the street - lined with shops boasting everything from sweet potato ice cream and hello kitty phone charms to traditional Japanese snacks and artwork. What is unique about this outdoor shopping complex, which could loosely be compared to a strip mall without the big name brands, is that it progresses toward the Sensoji temple, a massive structure that calmly waits for you to finish accumulating your souvenirs and pay your respects. After you pass through the street ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the funny trinkets, that the Japanese love so much, you are confronted with ancient Shinto and Buddhist traditions. The contrast is severe, but everyone passes through as if every strip mall has a religious drive through before you exit. After adjusting my inconvenient shopping bags I went through the smoke and water purification process, cruised through the temple and emerged on the other side in a garden lined with canopied vendors selling scrumptious snacks. I went from purification to fried chicken, and of course because the Japanese are meticulous, it was the best chicken I’ve ever tried. The vendors were also offering up chocolate covered bananas, hand made lollipops, various grilled fish and other unrecognizable delicacies. On that street alone you could have gone through the best three-course meal of your life. Imagine feeling that satiated after eating a turkey leg at the Indy 500 or any other standard American festival.

The temple also shares the skyline with an amusement park, another unusual sight. From the base of the Sensoji you can see peoples legs dangling high in the air waiting to be dropped hundreds of feet on the “Space Shot” ride.

My friends and I left the Sensoji behind and wandered off to explore the more urban part of Asakusa and possibly grab some lunch. We passed through a shy shady street with open-faced stores selling luxurious fabrics and emerged in a sunlit square leading to more small winding streets, customary to Japan. Each street was crowded with restaurants and small shops so we picked the liveliest one and headed onward. We came across a large restaurant, which we discovered from the picture menu (those came in handy many times through out the trip) made Udon and Soba noodles. We were tempted to eat there, but couldn’t figure out how to write our name on the waitlist. Rather than attempting to cross the language barrier this early in our trip we opted to pose for some pictures with the marketing ploy outside and keep hunting. The ploy was plastic noodles dangling from a pair of chopsticks, which appeared to be floating mid air above a bowl resting on a pedestal.

(This is me learning how to appropriately slurp Soba noodles in Nikko, a mountain town about 2 hours from Tokyo. In Japan you slurp - preferably loudly in order to cool down the noodles)

We continued walking and observed the rickshaw rides going around the area. I couldn’t believe these still existed, they are similar to the horse drawn carriage rides around Central Park or Boston Common, but a real person running you around seemed archaic. At this moment a TV crew who had taken notice of our group during the photo shoot by the noodle shop approached us. Once again I was struck by the incongruence of the television crew’s jeans and white nylon swishy jackets to the men running the rickshaws in their black cotton uniforms and their straw wide brimmed hats that looked like they belonged in jujitsu or judo martial arts studio. The crew aggressively approached us with questions about our impression of cultural differences in Japan and whether we thought the floating noodles were a successful marketing tool for the restaurant.

Prior to our arrival in Japan various guest lecturers educated us about cultural differences to expect. I recalled learning that the Japanese are typically more reserved and it can be difficult to penetrate their personal walls. As I watched my classmate, Sammi, get interviewed I thought that while these speakers were correct in some regards the younger Japanese culture was much different from their elders. I knew there were sub cultures in Japan that were out rightly different such as the Harajuku girls who are known for their elaborate cutesy outfits. However, I hadn’t thought about what your average college student might be like. These young cameramen were outgoing and relatable, I felt like we could have easily grabbed a beer and bonded after the interview. My generation in Japan seems less cognizant of the past and without the ability to fully immerse myself in their private lives they appear to seek independence. They use part time jobs to fund their fashion obsessions and have active social lives. Walking on the streets in Shinagawa you see fashion forward young couples conoodling in public, possibly even more than young American couples today. Maybe as a Gaijin it is impossible to understand what these shifts in cultural expectations mean and if it is actually a smothering of the old traditions or the old is making room for the new.

I found myself literally face to face with this question on my last night of the trip. Sammi and I had arranged to meet our friend from school mother in Roppongi for dinner. Rumiko, Josh’s mom, lives in Tokyo with her second husband and Josh’s three half brothers. At 46 Rumiko is the opposite of a traditional Japanese woman. She is loud, charismatic, transparent and utterly fierce. At the restaurant Gonpachi she instantly befriend the maître d, our waiter, the sushi chefs and probably the fish on her plate. She knows she is different and embraces it; at dinner she even compared herself to a long-island Jewish mother and explained that she is not trying to fit in anymore, ‘’I’ve always been strange, I’m not like most Japanese women.” Rumiko jokes that her American husband is always telling her to quiet down in public because she is offending the people around her. She loves to drink, socializes in crowds of Japanese women and Gaijins, is loud on the trains (and every where she goes), has travelled extensively, talks a mile a minute and even though she doesn’t currently have her own career her life is full. The last thing this woman is - is a subservient wife because she is a tidal wave of personality. While Rumiko is all these things she is also proud of her heritage. Tokyo is her home and it is where she can thrive.

So who wins out in the battle against old and new? My professor, Jim Bright always says that even if he spent the rest of his life living in Japan he could never fully understand the cultural nuances. As a guest in Japan, I don’t think it is my place to decide nor could the determination ever be fully informed. The conclusion I reached is that Japan is a complex country with various threads of time woven throughout every inch of Tokyo, and the best thing you can do is try to absorb it all with the time you have because making sense of the largest city in the world in one week is a daunting task.

Life Stages and My Six Commandments

2010-03-02T11:42:00.001-05:00

In a recent and long overdue e-mail correspondence with my cousin Brett she dropped a quick line that led to a long cogitation. She said, "i just realized that we're both seniors--in a way. and then, so are g&g.* in yet another way."

*We always use g&g to describe our grandparents as a couple.... it's so much quicker!

I am completing my senior year at Indiana University.

Brett is an MFA candidate for experience design in Stockholm, Sweden. She is working on her final thesis project, a senior, in her own right.

My grandparents, seniors by the government's standards (an argument could be made for my grandpa's status - his stamina for life is shocking to say the least), are preparing to move from their long time home in Great Neck, NY to a senior living community in my hometown Newton, MA.

We each represent unique transitional points in life, yet they are strangely alike, because we are all simultaneously closing a chapter. The difficult part about moving forward is acknowledging the empty box that lingers impatiently at the bottom of your life checklist.

For me it goes like this. Complete college...check. Accept my impending reality of becoming completely self-sustaining and get a job.
Empty Box...

After working for a period of time after graduating from Duke, Brett decided to go back to school, a longstanding ambition. In addition she fulfilled her dream of living abroad again.
Check and Check.
Now she will have to tackle working as a self-defined, 'creative person.' New degree, same dilemma.
Empty Box...

For my grandparents this impending move defines their acceptance of the home stretch. The most bittersweet empty box, having accomplished all the other life tasks, will soon have a check.

It is important to note that this final stage isn't just a morbid waiting period. My grandparents have evolved a lot in recent months, as the dynamic of their relationship responds to the challenges of age. My grandfather for example, has newfound patience with my grandmother's memory loss and controls his temper.

Upon my commencement in May I imagine myself looking in the mirror, not quite believing the cap and gown I see in my reflection. The harsh reality that looms over me is that, as I stand there looking very ceremonious... I may or may not have a job. Hopefully I will be able to take a sharpie and confidently check the next item off the list, but who knows? In the mean time I am trying to decipher what ideals I want to carry on my back for the mountainous trek forward. I am talking about the sustenance for my life or the principles I would equate to water and air. I realize that some of these things will shift over time and this is a very grandiose way of thinking, but here is what I 've got so far.

The Six Commandments (Four may come later to complete the set, but why stick to tradition?)

1. Embrace your dreams.
This is something I admire about my aforementioned and very much-adored cousin Brett. She has been a role model my whole life, for becoming a strong woman. She and I are different to the core, as I am not one to follow the wayward path and Brett always goes where her dreams go. Whether that means taking an entire year off from college to study in Paris (I love to travel, but I couldn't imagine having left my life here at school for a year) or moving to Sweden after living in California. Her art is courageous and her concepts push boundaries. She pledges allegiance to her dreams and that inspires me to stay true to my own.

2. Don't always make career choices based on your wallet.
In one of my recent class lectures a successful guest speaker from Australia discussed his career path. He gave us some advice that was brutally honest. Sometimes you will have to make career moves that will be a financial sacrifice and that is okay. Recently the climate amongst my peers has been panicked.
YOU HAVE AN INTERVIEW? YOU HAVE A THREE OFFERS?!? YOU HAVE A JOB? HOW MUCH IS SO AND SO MAKING?
blah.
That attitude has got. to. go. I want to live my life making career decisions for myself and definitely not entirely based on the financial benefits.

3. Think (like really think) before you act.
My father is honest to goodness the most rational and prepared man on this earth. My irrational, hyper-emotional teenage years couldn't have been more mystifying to the poor guy, first daughter syndrome I suppose? Having emerged on the hormonally balanced side of the world I can appreciate his ability to take a step back. My father never goes into any life decisions without a thorough weighing of pros and cons. While his process is slower, it has served him well.

4. Anticipate and learn to be comfortable with change.
Que Sera Sera. What will be, will be. This is a point my mother suggested I add to my repertoire. Her latest project has been helping my grandparents move from New York to Newton. This move became essential, fast, because of health conditions. It was unexpected and hit the family hard. While my mother is no stranger to transitions, the unexpected nature of this one made it especially challenging. Her outlook demonstrates that the best attitude is to look forward and understand what could be coming. If only crystal ball's and fairy godmothers really existed. Cinderella was so lucky.

5. Value your relationships and ability to network.
My friendships have always been significant to me, as with anyone. I have had the same three best friends; we know it is very Sex and the City-esque ;), since the start of high school. I ended up at Indiana University with my life-long camp friend. My friends that I made here at school have been supportive through some of the most difficult times in my life. These women are my home base, away from home. Then of course there is my family. My parents keep me grounded and my sister keeps me laughing. In addition to these people who are in my immediate circle, the importance of being fearless and reaching out has become an important part of my daily life. Whether I am meeting new people on Twitter or connecting with friends of a friend of a friend. I am finding that people are willing to help, if you seek them out politely.

6. Live for good health.
My mom suggested this as something she has always lived by. This can be interpreted broadly to mean physically, mentally and anything else involving the well being of "you." I think this is especially significant because lacking self-awareness would undermine the previous five commandments. Her life lesson based on my Grandfather's life experience is that - if you don't have your health - not much else matters.

I believe these principles will transcend the times and enable me to find success.

What will be your north star?

The Inception

2010-02-17T23:41:00.001-05:00

I have been ruminating on starting a blog for months now haggling over whether or not I had a perspective worthy of portraying. I was unsure if at the raw age of 21 I've had enough life experiences to provide you, the audience whomever you may be, with something that would be pithy and thought provoking. On top of that of course, was the minute detail of an overarching topic. What is my personal niche?

After putting my blog topic in a pot and letting it simmer. I have come to the conclusion that my expertise is being a young adult on the brink of metamorphosis into the eeeelegant working/sassy/sexy/confident/intelligent/independent butterfly I've always dreamed of becoming - and what society (as I understand it) expects me to be.

Now when I say I am an expert I mean that I specialize in the failures and anxieties or the successes, friendships, relationships that go along with being a senior in college. I am living the frustrations of the job search in our current economic state and I have also discovered some strategies that shine light at the end of the tunnel. I am juggling learning how to write cover letters while learning how to be myself.

In then end I have decided that my calling is be that relatable blogger, that all you 20 somethings trying to "figure it all out," can come home to and say thank god she's feelin' it too.

I am the little dove.

Cassie & Jonina.

Will you find your way with me?